Dear Blogger,

You may be too complicated for me. I may have to end this relationship and move on to Tumblr. They appear super duper easy, and I'm a sucker for easy. I can also connect my Blip life to my Blog life and that is just fantastical.

So, I will give it some thought. But things are not looking too good for you, dear Blogger.

Sincerely,
EmeraldIsWeird.Blogspot.com

Homework Assignment #1 - Blog about Nancy

Little known fact: if your conversation with an interest goes THIS way, you'll score a date, no doubt.

You: Hello, I think you're pretty handsome and nice, want to go out sometime?
Interest: Umm... probably not.
You: Are you sure ((insert full name here))?
Interest: Hooooooow do you know my full name?
You: Well, (insert first name only, this time) it simply goes along with the social security number ((insert their ssn)) So what do you say Mr.(insert astrological sign here), want to go on a date? I can be at ((insert address of interest here)) by 7pm tonight, thats when you get home from ((insert occupation)), right?
Interest: Well, uh... yeah I'll be home but...
You: Great! I'll see you then. Or else.

So I've recently stalked a man into hanging out with me. And this fella could be one of the most 'people-person' people who ever existed. Tonight, thanks to those people skills, I was able to meet Nancy, the 72yr old Go-Go Dancin' Jesus Lovin' Gift Shop lady.

Nancy was a fireball. I love that a 72yr old woman could make me feel slightly uncomfortable because i didn't know what crazy things she would do or say next. She could Jitterbug, for sure. She was also pretty quick to give marriage advice. It was basically things I had heard before, but this woman broke my heart. Nancy has been married for 42 years. She says communication is very important, and if you can't talk to your man/lady about everything, it's no good. She, however, cannot talk to her husband about everything. They just don't communicate, she says.

She also says it means everything when a husband and wife both desire to grow and be a servant of Christ. She didn't use the word "servant" though... ugh i can't remember what exactly she said... I was probably too busy thinking, "well this conversation is only a bit awkward for a fourth date..."
Nancy loves the Lord. Her husband does not.

While she was talking about her husband, how boring he is but how good of a man he is... I didn't catch her saying she loved him. I was looking for it because it just seemed like the thing people say all the time: "well, they aren't perfect, but i love them..." I'm not saying she doesn't love her husband. It just broke my heart listening to this woman who was so alive and animate talk about something she knows she won't have. I can't know what goes on at home, she may not even try to make the marriage better... who knows! But to be so alive, and then to go home and probably go to sleep next to the same person she's been going to sleep next to for decades... not getting to be so alive anymore.. It's just sad. It's probably true in so many marriages.

How does that happen? Is it because people marry the wrong people? Or does happiness just fade out sometimes? Clearly happiness can't exist where there is constant disappointment, but then what are you supposed to do with the disappointment... if it's for better or for worse? Who wrote those vows, anyway?

Ug I'm starting to not think straight. Sleep intermission...

...And awake.

So yeah, Nancy made me cry a wee bit, and I really want to talk to her more. She seems to have a very full life, playing with grand kids and great grand kids... but maybe I could stalk HER into going on a date with me... yes... I think I shall. *wink wink*

***disclosure*** I'm not an advocate for divorce... I realize my "who wrote those vows" comment could make it seem otherwise. I just... I wonder where the line gets drawn. I could probably write a gazillion more words about that. But I don't want to right now. I want to brush my teeth and go make lattes.

***disclosure*** this homework assignment was late.

If I ruled the world, Pt. 1

Question: When exactly did the whole "men offer their bus seats to ladies" thing stop?

Yesterday morning and then again this afternoon, my bus was packed. So I stood up the whole time. Which is fine. But there are boys sitting down right next to me and I'm thinking... shouldn't they at least OFFER their seat to me? Or the older woman standing next to me? I may not even accept the offer... but... sigh.

They have car-free Fridays here in the 'burgh. Could they have Chivalry Thursday or Gentleman Thursday or SOMETHING to promote being super nice and courteous and mannerly to women? Then they could have Non-Slut Wednesday where all the ladies can be gentle, non-whorish or something, just to even out men not being allowed to be piggish.

If only I ruled the world...

Oh happy day...

This weekend was simply wonderful. But first things first:

My new paranoia. I think it started due to a friend's facebook status about someone they saw on the street acting particularly obnoxious. My friend made a status/tweet asking a man to stop being so ridiculous in public... and it made me immediately think Do people make tweets about me when I do something stupid in public??? I mean, think about it. People tweet about everything. EVERYTHING. What if I'm in the stall at Fatheads. And someone else is in the other stall and they are making the bathroom reek. So this girl posts somewhere "omg girl in fatheads bathroom is stinking up the place like whoa" and then I happen to walk out of the bathroom and people all over fatheads read this (because all you have to do is search 'fatheads' at any moment and see what people are saying about it... creepy...) and then I suddenly become the girl who made fatheads smell bad.

Or the other day I was working and this guy had his nifty lil iPhone and he was holding it parallel to my face. Which made it seem like he was taking a picture of me. I don't know if he was or not but it was pretty creepy. And I'm thinking What is wrong with my face right now that he feels it's capture-worthy?

It could very well be a ridiculous paranoia... but then again, it could very well not be ridiculous. You can't even wear your pjs to walmart anymore or people take pictures of you and send them to sites. I mean... I don't know about you, but I typically don't care what I look like in a Walmart. The world has changed, though, and now I must make sure I meet Walmart shopping standards. No more camouflage boots, Emmy. And that see-through net top you wear with the neon green tank under it, with a matching leather skirt... don't even think about it. I basically need to go to Target now just to buy an acceptable Walmart shopping wardrobe. Effin' camera phones... ruining life all over.

That's that. Now onto amazing weekend.

I love my nieces. And my friends. And sunshine. And being able to sing worship songs at the top of my lungs. And being active. And good food. And new opportunities. And creation. And kindness. And my drag queen neighbors who sell porn at a yard sale. And the talents of my friends. Life is just amazing sometimes. Well, probably always, but it can be hard to see.

Today in church I kept thinking about why people hate it so much. And it was strange because I was feeling soooooo much joy as I was sitting by myself in the last pew, listening desperately in order to gain some new insight. I was feeling so encouraged and so thankful.. It was breaking my heart that others will never enter a sanctuary again because of either some stereotype they've decided on (usually the 'church people are huge hypocrites...' thing) or because of some wrong that's been done to them by some Christian at some point in their lives... Listen friends. I've experienced some pretty crappy stuff all in the name of "Christian" and it's really taken a toll on me in one way or another. But how long can you hold on to some stupid life situation that no one has any control over? The service today was about pressing on. Because this life isn't about the weird stupid painful crap that happens, but rather how we are able to make it through all those times. And even more so, about reaching that prize that is waiting for us at the finish line. Or that's not at all what it's about. Let's just goooo with it.


It's kind of late for blogging. And I still have some personal journaling to do. And my bed is deflating and I'd like to be asleep before it's at that really awkward point where all my limbs go numb. ..

I would like to make a promise that sometime this week I will pull together a barista blog. And I will include how it is a mistake to squeeze honey into Michael Keaton's latte.

goodnight

Work Schmerk

I had a lot I wanted to write about tonight. I thought, Tonight, I'm going to Blog my heart out. But now I realize I'm down to about 6 hours of sleep, since I have to wake up at 3:45am, and I feel I should try to pass out ASAP.

Hopefully in my next blog I remember to talk about Albom's book and my new paranoia. And my failing bed! Super glue, you're letting me down. Bugs, you best stay hidden, cuz I got my hairspray and my shower spray ready to pollute your lungs and stick your stupid little legs together.

Stay tuned, my dears. the nonsense will continue.

Tonight feels pretty great...

I know. I promised a Starbucks blog. But I'd rather write it in Starbucks. While consuming Starbucks.

Right now I'm on my air mattress that's been out of commission for a while due to a massive hole. I finally found a repair kit today and it feels sooooo good to not be sleeping on a 3" thick K-Mart futon mattress on the floor. Not to mention, it'll take those freakin millipedes some hefty climbing if they want to try to make it across my pillow again. Though I don't dare doubt their skills.

I also decided it was about time to hook up the dehumidifier. I won't go into detail about the discovery leading to that action... but it has lead to warmer air, which lets me feel more summery. I hate having to wear winter PJs in the summer. Boo.

And I bought a case of water. Which somehow makes me feel so much better! With the second job and difficulty sleeping, I've been upping the caffeine intake, making me so much more dehydrated. Now, I gots some wata! And not vitamin water because I'm pretty sure doesn't hydrate you at all.

Why else do I feel so awesome right now? OO I bet it's cuz I read the Bible last night.

"...We have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being stregthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints of the kingdom of light."

I've been really missing the wisdom and knowledge of God lately. I remember in High School I took that Spiritual Gifts test and those were my two strongest gifts! I definitely do not feel so wise anymore. But I bet I got those two results because I just always -think- I'm right and knowledgeable. Haha oh well.

I'm also reading "Have a Little Faith" by Mitch Albom (is that right? I could look it up.. but nah..). I always read it on the bus and I always end up crying so I always end up feeling like a ridiculous sight. But it's pretty darn good. It basically follows these two men and their amazing faith and it's so inspiring.

I think I also feel pretty good right now because I've decided to take some time for myself this week. Lately, I feel as if I'm afraid to be alone for more than an hour. I've been running around, trying to find things to do and people to see. I've done a few important things last night and tonight since I had the time, so I'm glad I've decided to chill. My room is still disgusting. And I still have some dishes in the sink. My car isn't cleaned yet, and I haven't found a place to live come August... but all is well :)

There is a chapter in "Have A Little Faith" about happiness. Mitch asks what happiness is or how to find it, and his Rabbi tells him "Be satisfied." Can I just say I'm hardly ever satisfied? I always think I could have done a better job at something, or that I should be eagerly seeking out a higher paying job. This is why I want to live in another country sometimes. I hate the pressure to be so successful and so in need of money to do anything worth while. I want to be able to sit back and just accept that this is where I am right now, and that it won't be where I'll be for years and years. It's temporary. Got it Emmy?? Temporary! Stop freaking out about sucking so bad. You have time to move forward... take the opportunities that come your way and Thank God that there are new days to live.

It's a good night :) And I get to sleep in some tomorrow!! And I get to have a potentially fun evening. And I'm not sleeping on the flooooooor!!! <3>

Hmmmm... I had a little paragraph about the upcoming starbucks entry and how I need to be hip and add lots of cool elements to it and how i could write all night ... but it disappeared.

Oh well. Good night

Keep an eye out: Future Blog - Starbucks.

Keep an eye out, folks. I will have a blog soon about Starbucks. And maybe other coffee shops. I hope to enlighten and blow minds with my inside impression of the Starbucks customer. Keep an eye out! It's coming!